Doesnt do check ins or check ups on me. I am a 25 year old NT girl in a relationship with a well known musician who told me he has Aspergers. Sometimes they would try to be what they thought people around them wanted them to be. You werent judgemental; you just wanted them to get help. Im doing 99% of the chores and getting groceries etc. He cant even be bothered to send me an emoji But the best part was that they loved those parts of you that you had to hide from everyone else. You were energized and felt healed by this love. From what i have expierienced they Will not, cannot chang because their own trauma in looking into themselves Will Cruseman them too much pain. I did approach him with what I had researched but he was totally insulted. Hi Emily! I'm so glad I ran across this blog post. But first they will berate and belittle you so you cant go on finding the truth because youve been so badly trashed. Since they have nothing to say, they dont consider that you may need to talk. 4 4.Why Do Aspies - Wives and Partners of Aspies - Aspergers; 5 5.Aspie Shutdown and Withdrawal: Dealing with Sudden Emotional 6 6.Aspie dumped me out of the blue - why so sudden? This website uses cookies to improve your experience while you navigate through the website. He is cold, vacant and empty. I feel this is his coping mechanism and his comfort zone. Now he thinks I am stalker (he believes in these conspiracy theories, his special interest). Totally selfish behavior that only revolves around his needs. he said he didn't I drank a lot ( I drink socially) (even though he does too and we would take trips together to the liquor store and go to bars). I dont know what to do and Im at the point where I cant talk to my friends or family because I feel judged for what Im enduring and no one who hasnt experienced a relationship with a ND person understands that not everything is a premeditated choice or intentionally malicious. Is it hard to date an autistic man? Your partner asked you questions youve never been asked, caused you to explore parts and depths of yourself youd never before explored. With this person, you became the best version of yourself. She is really competent on the social behavior and I forgot her diagnoses often. Like you all say. I dont want to be ignorant Im just trying to understand. He told me from the initial beginning of our relationship that he has Aspergers syndrome. Ill listen. Elizabeth, This cookie is set by GDPR Cookie Consent plugin. However your boyfriends behavior is not OK. I just ended a 9 year relationship with my fianc, who I suspect has aspergers but is not diagnosed. No call no text .. nothing. He would stay up late and I woke up to bring him to bed and as soon as I started cuddling with him he breaks it off to me " I don't thinks this is working any more" I thought he was joking! He was mad that I contacted his friend ( I did it cuz I wanted advice how to handle this. What I don't understand is that lets just say he did break up with me because he was overwhelmed and unhappy because I was unhappy, if he misses me now and wants to be with me why wouldn't he . Aspies are constantly suffering but NTs expect us to pretend everything is fine so they feel comfortable in their fake contrived mindless materialistic world. These people are incapable of commiting to a normal relationship. Next time I want to look at the role that Depression and Self Doubt plays in causing aspies to back off on relationships. He has a strong distrust of therapy because when I mentioned I might start going to counseling to address my anxiety, he rubbished the idea. With age I can tell you it gets worse every single day. Many on the Spectrum would be horrified by the trauma inflicted on you. I feel that if I were to slip out of his life at this point he wouldnt even notice. Let them knoe that you still love them but that this is not healthy. To be a carer for a person that will NEVER love you tge way you hope and dream. Today I have the first sign of coming back of my husbandafter one year of back off my husband was like we have met! Like everyone else I am so relieved to not feel so alone. Well discuss: How to recognize the abuse. Things went well for the beginning until he confided he might be ASD. Similarly, manipulative behaviour can often come across as simply "needy". He never starts a conversation. They found the smallest ways to ruin things for you, like wearing the wrong clothes to a semi-formal occasion or spending an anniversary playing video games. But that doesnt mean I will love every choice she makes. She never returned it and I felt foolish. This is one of the biggest reasons. The problem is that he has been allowing another woman to pursue him. For the purpose of this article, I have used the word "aspie" instead of "autistic;" however, the two terms should be considered interchangeable in this article. But it sounds like he has no idea how to move forward with this pain. Explaining this face to face traumatised her, particularly as I was so cold/logical about it all. So with an Aspie, they will look apon anyone who they cannot understand as being a disappointment. I was told I have to accept that. He said hes ok but not talking to anyone cuz hes in his head and disconnected. I feel ripped off because I never got a chance to make things right with him. Apparently I failed the tests. I hope they can find peace. I tell her to stop talking and seeing each other for a while till she gets better, but she doesnt want to do it. I even gave him a very expensive gift and heartfelt card that told him i loved him, was there for him, etcand no text or in person thank you or goodbye. He cant do feelings at all. Be grateful that you have the stamina to do so. People generally feel safe if they believe they can solve all problems. Then he got weird. Good observation Daniel. You were going to be a hero, and you finally had a way to make all that was good about you useful. Its as if they just dont get that other people matter. I found out that he has been talking to her and hasnt disclosed it. Sometimes when I find I click with someone and they want to become friends or more I get nervous. If you choose to be in a relationship with an Aspie, then die inside. and so will mine. He asked me a month before, how are you feeling about me and my behavior. He on the other hand after giving me years of the silent treatment, treating me with contempt on and off, mainly off, mood swings, temper tantrums, has found his newly setup business has thrived in lockdown and rented himself a beautiful house and moved all his stuff out and ended our relationship saying we would be both better off with someone else! He does it in response to me getting angry and yelling at him. Sometimes I pretend so well I forget this is not true just a facade to get through Thanksgiving or Christmas of family trips! These are all essential and, depending on the use case, you have different levels of fidelity you must get down to. Which I said to him once and he blew it all out of proportion. I dont know whether this is the end?! All the acting and insecurities. Once you take the course, you can join our online community. Thank you. I call it behaving like a pathetic spoilt brat! If my writing has been meaningful to you, you can, Click to share on Facebook (Opens in new window), Click to share on Twitter (Opens in new window), Click to share on Reddit (Opens in new window), Click to share on Pinterest (Opens in new window), Click to share on Tumblr (Opens in new window), Click to email a link to a friend (Opens in new window), The Autism Spectrum According to Autistic People, AAC: Augmentative & Alternative Communication, Directory of NonSpeaker Pages, Blogs, & Media, Directory of Specialists Diagnosing Autism (ASD) in Adults, Directory of NeuroDivergent Graphic Designers & Illustrators, Choosing a Good or Bad Therapist for Your Autistic Child, What autistics mean when we say this world is not made for us: How fun activities push autistics into the margins, Being a Great Parent to Your Autistic Child at Fall Festivals and Halloween Events, Who Am I? Aspie shutdown and withdrawal is a big part of how autism affects relationships. In fact it was the one of my anxiety attacks that upset our plans that triggered this latest shutdown. That I was sorry for all the times I had hurt his feelings. This would go on for days and he would come around to be his usual self. What are your thoughts on this? You quickly made up, and there were a lot of tears from both of you. If youre a member of the group, please register for the call to discuss The Silent Treatment on Thursday, October 6, 2016 at 2:30 PM or Thursday, October 27 at 3:00 PM. I have experienced the Silent Treatment 2 times now. Theres no need. AND IT FEELS GREAT! he remembers minute details about me and finds ways to complement me. We also use third-party cookies that help us analyze and understand how you use this website. You cannot meet them. I hope that there is a future where we can communicate again because it felt like it went so well and she really seemed to enjoy me. . It's been a long time since you posted so I hope you are no longer with him. I should have given up and left. He Never existed. The NT still has to take care of the kids, the bills, the house, while working and nursing a confused, crushed, lonely heart!!! Not sure whats up with them. They have difficulty planning out their day or estimating how long a task will take. The very dramatic emotions are just the comfort of expressing emotions along with ideas, whereas Aspies tend to keep these things separate as if they are unrelated. Thats what I am learning. Both are Empathy Dysfunctions. He has left us for the second time and has discarded me ( as have his family ) after 25 years and 4 children . And, this isnt easy. Please correct me if Im wrong. I feel I need to practice detachment which might help mine and his relationship work. I am so sorry you are going through this, I too went/go through those episodes with my boyfriend. Aspies dont ask themselves about how you feel about things, so we need to point it out in a way they will understand. His father is dying and things will definitely change. Protective order in place. Thanks for the posts - it REALLY helps to read other peoples' stories because now I don't feel alone. Each episode just makes me want him less. The Discard at the endclassic. He instead emailed my lawyer saying Ill pay for whatever she needs to deal with her mom yet wont call me back or text me back. I broke up because he would just abruptly leave me and go out with friends so I got the hint I wasn't that important to him. About 5 weeks ago he went radio silent. The only time we have any contact is dinner and it is as quick as she can get away back to the bedroom. (Part 1) Another thing to consider is that many of us are far better at sex than romance or love. At 65 I still fantasize about a life with someone with more of an emotional range.. My gut and my heart tells me he'll come around again and that something just triggered his breakdown and I just need to give him space but man, this is killing me! Can you plz let me know as soon as possible if you are offering evaluation appointments too? He wont go to the drshe definitely has aspergers. Dont take this on yourself. He never offered me any attention such as sex, affection or took any real interest in me. You given me a starting place to help make some decisions. He can't understand that people need to express their wants and needs so that the other person can try to meet them. Imagine being an NT in an asperger world. This time, I want to look at self esteem and depression; Self Esteem The aspie relationship with themselves is tedious at best. Dear Renee, I too am going through something similar and am wondering how your story developed a year later. In fact he went overboard. In my experience, its not about what they have, its about what they need to be able to become a better person to have an understanding that they cannot be abusive to others. I work out like a demon, but Im 67 and have wrinkles. 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