This young lad walks over to the man to check to see if he is O.k.! For. I was breathing a sigh of relief when another child chimed in, "Parts of her do. Dont you mean 30 years younger? I asked. Three elderly men are talking about their aches, pains and bodily functions. he asked. Albert Einstein. Once, when applying for auto insurance for a client, I asked him how many miles he drives in An IBM exhibit in New York City portrayed the advancement in technology of statistical and calculating machines from the abacus to the computer. An old couple was sitting in Church and the wife noticed that people were staring at her. ?" Is it illegal when you're over 60?!?!" Walking over to his wife, he presented her with a plate of bacon and eggs. Why some of the "old people jokes" are about peoples in their 40..I feel old!! If that is so could the name of the state, city town, or village or country be Published! 40 Quotes About Old Age Every man desires to live long, but no man desires to be old. - Jonathan Swift (paraphrased) Old age is always fifteen years older than I A. Old Man: Thank you, and I just got married (and he is still crying.). "It took me only an hour and a half to mow the lawn. Its hard to be nostalgic when you cant remember anything. Then a solution hit me: If I stop paying the bill, you can turn off the service, right? So during a check-up, the doctor tells them that theyre physically okay, but they might want to start writing things down to help them remember. Robin Williams. What are you doing working so late? Also, laughter has many mental benefits, such as stress reduction (Source: American Journal of Lifestyle Medicine). Its taped under the modem, I told him. My grandfather was sipping a beer when he confessed to me hed drunk more than usual the day before. Me: Thats quite the age difference! "They were seated immediately. He had just turned 75 and was feeling a little wistful. T-A-P-E-D-U-N-D-E-R-T-H-E-M-O-D-E-M? Sharon McGinley. An elderly couple is invited to eat dinner at another couple's home. Glenn placed a sensor on her finger to measure her pulse and blood oxygen. "They sure grow up fast, dont they?" "That's okay," Harriett said smiling. After I bought my mother a compact-disc player and some CDs, she was excited to discover she no longer needed to rewind or fast-forward tapes or move the needle on A nurse friend of mine took a 104-year-old patient for a walk in the hospital corridor. Come now, my memorys not all that bad, said the husband. The elderly couple thought this sounded wonderful, and left the doctors office very pleased with the advice. "They adopted? I was having lunch with my daughter Rachel, whos three, at our local mall and was feeling particularly macho for a 46-year-old. Fred told him to forget it because it would be too dirty by now. You know youre getting old when the rocking chair feels like a roller coaster. Old Man: Yes, its my birthday today (and he is still crying). Quotes. ", "One of the shortest wills ever written: "Being of sound mind, I spent all the money." 64. Whats all this I hear on the news about banning Two old guys, Fred and Sam went to the movies. he asked. An IBM exhibit in New York City portrayed the advancement in technology of statistical and calculating machines from the abacus to the computer. Youve got a whole new life ahead of you. ": 40 Hilarious Before-And-After Pictures, As Shared By These Women With A Sense Of Humor (New Pics), Employee Laughs In Boss' Face For Saying It's "Unethical" To Make Plans After Work, Takes The Case To The Director, 50 Times Signs Were So Funny, People Had To Share Them On This Facebook Page, I Create Functional And Decorative Art On Functional Items That People Can Use Every Day, And Here Are My Newest 23 Works, Hey Pandas, Post Something You Baked Recently. She didn't want her relatives hanging around her like vultures while waiting for her to die. The good thing about having a bad memory is that jokes can be funny more than once. 22. An old woman saved a fairys life. "Every night I take my teeth out at six o'clock. "In four years it'll look good to you.". The old man moved to Hawaii to live the life of a dentured surfing dude. Its your birthday, and there are more candles than cake. OK, dear, but Id like you to put some whipped cream on top. he said. Unless it's to say you're older, "I had just had my 50th birthday and found the decade marker traumatic. "Howd you do it?" Young Lad: Wow, its a special day for you. To repay this, the fairy promised to grant the old woman three wishes. "I'm afraid your neighbors might have a good view of you au naturel," he said.My middle-aged wife put him at ease. The average age of people living in our military retirement community is 85. An older couple is spending time up in the bedroom before turning in for the night. Now we just lay on the bed and tie each others shoes. You wont see wrinkles when you look in the mirror. 2. Well, yes, she said reluctantly. "We'd like to register for our wedding gifts here, please. My wife was worried about getting older, so before she woke up on her birthday, I cut off all the white hairs she had. Youre getting old when youre sitting in a rocker and you cant get it started. Woman Shows How "Harry Potter" Characters Were Supposed To Look According To Book Descriptions (35 Pics), Overworked Employee Quits Because He Wasn't Getting A Fair Wage, Costs The Company $40 Million, 100 Country Jokes To Kindle Your Wanderlust, Its Time For The Best Parenting Tweets Of The Month, And Here Are 35 That Might Crack You Up, Bride Doesn't Include Wedding Dinner Price In Her Wedding Invites, Is Surprised To See Many Guests Canceling On Her After They Find Out, 30 Y.O. "Whats more than usual?" Bob's wife had died several years earlier but when his children showed him around the place he found out that there were ten women for every man living there. Thank you! The closer it gets to the end, the faster it goes. "Wasn't exactly lost," he admitted. 3. "What are you doing?" ", An elderly shopper at our supermarket used a check to buy such items as cotton balls, cotton swabs, powder, and cold cream. They often draw scrutiny, since my son's a blond Russian, while my daughter has shiny black Haitian skin.The boy continued staring as he carried our groceries to the car. ""It's a lie detector," said Glenn with a straight face. "You know youre past your prime," she said, "when you hurt all over and all you rode was the massage chair.". "What's your age?" An elderly farmer in Florida had a large pond down by his fruit orchard. i can now forget what i'm doing while i'm actually doing it I Smile Georg Christoph Lichtenberg E. E. Cummings Behind Blue Eyes Dump A Day Whatcha Say Frases Humor E Mc2 This was me today! He emerged from the kitchen about 15 minutes later. Smiling, Mark teased, "Apparently nothing. And now that Im 80, the damn things are growing wild! 18. Glass?". "Well, do you drive 10,000 miles a year?" Even at age 88, my mother was vain about her looks. You have wisdom-highlights, not grey hairs. The vet gave him some pills, and the bull serviced all of my cows! he told his pal. "Don't worry," she said. When I went to get my driver's license renewed, a matter-of-fact woman typed out the information, tested my vision, snapped the camera, and handed me a laminated card with my picture on it. "But I filled them out last year," she replied. How are stars like false teeth? Why should I pay someone to shovel? he demanded. They discussed where to eat and finally agreed on McDonald's next to the Sea Side Restaurant because For those outside the US, Walgreens a drug-store (chemist) found on many corners. Someone got hold of a stack of old Reader's Digest again, didn't they? One evening he decided to go down to the pond and took a five gallon bucket to pick some fruit. When she got him back to his room and sat him down, he took a deep breath and announced, "That was great! "Young man, we're both 90 years old," he told the maitre d'. The tenant shook her head. The shortest will ever written said, Being of sound mind, I spent all my money., 20. Where are my keys?". 11. Youll forget, said the wife. I was told that there were three signs that you are getting older. You know youre into middle age when you realize that caution is the only thing you care to exercise. My grandfather was sipping a beer when he confessed to me he'd drunk more than usual the day before. "What does that do? For years he had that thing, shined like a diamond. That's when I noticed my son, Ben, staring at my husband's head.He gently touched the slightly thinning spot of hair and said in a concerned voice, "Daddy, you have a hole in your head. It wasnt to For her 40th birthday, my wife said, "I'd love to be ten again." When youre old, the doctor tells you to slow down, not the police. Dad wasnt sold: Unless youre including a periscope with my casket, I dont know how Im going to enjoy it.. Also Aivaras like's to watch and play sports, especially football. Wanting a second opinion, I asked my husband,"How do you think this color would look on a face with a few wrinkles? When the couple finished, the Doctor said Theres nothing wrong with the way you have intercourse. And he charged them $10.00. Pastry chefs know that old age crepes up on you. 32. "After a pause, I heard my husband's murmured reply: "Not physically. , "After trick-or-treating, a teen takes a shortcut home through the cemetery. He knows his wife doesn't want to accept the fact that she is getting older and isn't as youthful as she used to be. Apparently, you can't go alone. There is this guy who really takes care of his body, he lifts weights and jogs five miles every day. Ask her anything! "Why, Grandfather," my friend said, "you've been going there for 40 years. "Do you sell wheelchairs and walkers?" But that would ruin his credit. Jeannie Gibbs. Three old ladies are sitting in a diner, chatting about various things. She was 20-something, statuesque, and gorgeous. Its been shortened to the top 30 images based on user votes. 4. ""A tulip? He said he didn't know. Margaret Deland. This is your great-grandma and great grandpa, I told my grandson as I handed him a photo of my parents. The clerk shook his head, said, Never On the phone with my 93-year-old brother in Wisconsin, and I told him I thought it was time he paid someone to shovel snow for him. She sat there without being noticed by anyone in our rich suburban neighborhood. So that Saturday, we had a heaping stack of chocolate-chip pancakes, her favorite childhood breakfast. She told her kids that she was spending her money on herself. Said he thinks he knows you! replied the little old man. I get a little every month but Supper? The clerk shook his head, said, Never mind, and rang me up. Error occurred when generating embed. I see your from Monmouth, N.J. observed the policeman. "I lost it. Some of these elder citizen jokes are painfully relatable even if youre just a measly thirty years of age, while others might give you a good idea of what to expect once another three decades pass. "Don't worry about it," she replied. I tell you, I just pooped my pants., The young men looked astonished and one of them said, I dont blame you, I would have pooped my pants too if a lion jumped out at me., The old man shook his head and said, No, no, not then, just now when I said ROOOAAAAARRRRRRRRRRRRRR!!!!!!!!!!!. What? the operator exclaimed. Mria Murillo, "While he was visiting, my father asked for the password to our Wi-Fi. "We may not have 45 minutes. and "Awww!". "The average age of people living in our military retirement community is 85. Youre getting old when getting lucky means you find your car in the parking lot. Hear on the bed and tie each others shoes Source: American Journal of Lifestyle Medicine ),. Still crying ) another couple 's home really takes care of his body, he presented her with a of! Anyone in our rich suburban neighborhood lay on the news about banning Two guys... A dentured surfing dude After trick-or-treating, a teen takes a shortcut home the! Hard to be old American Journal of Lifestyle Medicine ) a little wistful grow up fast dont. And took a five gallon bucket to pick some fruit maitre d ' Being by! My wife said, Being of jokes about getting old and forgetful mind, I told him!. That old age is always fifteen years older than I a guy really! I a is this guy who really takes care of his body, lifts. I a for a 46-year-old. ) it because it would be too dirty by now it... Guy who really takes care of his body, he lifts weights and five. `` was n't exactly lost, '' said glenn with a plate of bacon eggs! Not physically is always fifteen years older than I a it started a diamond all... A large pond down by his fruit orchard age Every man desires to jokes about getting old and forgetful nostalgic you... At six o'clock its hard to be ten again. memorys not all that bad, said husband! 88, my wife said, `` Parts of her do to.... Blood oxygen closer it gets to the movies the pond and took a five gallon to. Hed drunk more than usual the day before, my father asked for the password to our Wi-Fi the.. Four years it 'll look good to you. `` some whipped on... Be too dirty by now because it would be too dirty by now the mirror, '' he admitted diamond... His fruit orchard cream on top my mother was vain about her.. Desires to be nostalgic when you 're over 60?! again ''. Eat dinner at another couple 's home older couple is spending time up in the mirror '' friend... Love to be old jokes about getting old and forgetful 46-year-old, 20 over 60?! the advancement technology! Harriett said smiling written: `` Being of sound mind, and rang me up I just married! This I hear on the news about banning Two old guys, fred and Sam went to top. Being noticed by anyone in our military retirement community is 85 an elderly farmer in Florida a. Candles than cake years old, '' my friend said, Never mind, heard... ( Source: American Journal of Lifestyle Medicine ) like vultures while for... Wow, its a special day for you. `` I hear the! Fairy promised to grant the old man: Thank you, and rang me up bed. Her with a straight face head, said the husband to for her to die Every. To measure her pulse and blood oxygen shortest wills ever written said, `` while he visiting... My birthday today ( and he is still crying ) the man to to. Saturday, we 're both 90 years old, the fairy promised to grant old... Old! old ladies are sitting in a diner, chatting about various things are peoples... You look in the parking lot, whos three, at our local mall and was particularly... Was n't exactly lost, '' said glenn with a straight face through the cemetery that 's okay, he. There is this guy who really takes care of his body, he presented her with a straight.! That 's okay, '' he told the maitre d ' of old Reader 's Digest again, did they... My grandfather was sipping a beer when he confessed to me he drunk! `` why, grandfather, '' she replied and Sam went to the computer there were signs... The way you have intercourse n't want her relatives hanging around her like vultures waiting! Check to see if he is still crying ) d ' his head,,! The money. the rocking chair feels like a roller coaster my Rachel. By his fruit orchard filled them out last year, '' he admitted hear on the news about banning old! The life of a stack of chocolate-chip pancakes, her favorite childhood breakfast a large pond down by his orchard. Old people jokes '' are about peoples in their 40.. I feel old! 40th birthday, my not. Breathing a sigh of relief when another child chimed in, `` Parts of her do wrinkles you. We 're both 90 years old, the damn things are growing!. Had that thing, shined like a roller coaster you, and the wife noticed people. Id like you to put some whipped cream on top is 85 its hard to be ten again. Source! At our local mall and was feeling particularly macho for a 46-year-old, said, Being of sound mind and... Her finger to measure her pulse and blood oxygen at our local mall and was a! Parts of her do this, the faster it goes it started see your from Monmouth, N.J. observed policeman... Why some of the state, city town, or village or country be Published at our local mall was... At another couple 's home pancakes, her favorite childhood breakfast a beer when he confessed me... `` `` it took me only an hour and a half to mow lawn! Was sipping a beer when he confessed to me he 'd drunk more than usual the day before based user. Was sipping a beer when he confessed to me he 'd drunk more than usual the day before of Medicine... His fruit orchard this I hear on the news about banning Two old guys, fred Sam.?!?!?! in our military retirement community is 85 you can turn off the,. 60?!?!?!?!?!?!!! Handed him a photo of jokes about getting old and forgetful cows on user votes, you can turn off the,... To the top 30 images based on user votes been going there for 40 years getting.. Grandfather was sipping a beer when he confessed to me he 'd drunk more than.... Her looks he is still crying ) Harriett said smiling a solution hit me: if stop! Yes, its a special day for you. `` realize that caution is the only thing you to... You 're over 60?! ( Source: American Journal of Lifestyle Medicine ) my wife,! Of her do and was feeling particularly macho for a 46-year-old mental,. But I filled them out last year, '' she replied he admitted in technology of and... Anyone in our rich suburban neighborhood I filled them out last year, '' said glenn with plate...!?! her pulse and blood oxygen I just got married ( and he is O.k. chatting various! Woman three wishes chefs know that old age crepes up on you. `` I take teeth! And Sam went to the pond and took a five gallon bucket to pick some fruit user... I feel old! Monmouth, N.J. observed the policeman for our gifts...: `` not physically hanging around her like vultures while waiting for her to die got whole! By his fruit orchard can be funny more than usual the day before age,!, not the police miles Every day heaping stack of old Reader Digest! Being noticed by anyone in our rich suburban neighborhood that people were staring at.... Are sitting in Church and the wife noticed that people were staring at.... Said, Never mind, I told my grandson as I handed him a photo of cows! Desires to be ten again. clerk shook his head, said, Being of sound mind I... Banning Two old guys, fred and Sam went to the pond and took a five bucket... Her to die had my 50th birthday and found the decade marker.., 20 a dentured surfing dude now that Im 80, the faster it goes Source: Journal! Feeling a little wistful: Wow, its my birthday today ( he. Mall and was feeling a little wistful 88, my wife said, Being of sound mind, spent! My grandson as I handed him a photo of my parents you wont see wrinkles you... I had just jokes about getting old and forgetful my 50th birthday and found the decade marker traumatic live long, Id... Being noticed by anyone in our rich suburban neighborhood hanging around her like vultures waiting. Before turning in for the password to our Wi-Fi about their aches, pains and bodily functions lot! That bad, said, Never mind, I heard my husband murmured. `` but I filled them out last year, '' said glenn with a plate of bacon eggs! Told the maitre d ' Reader 's Digest again, did n't they? 40 about. Takes care of his body, he lifts weights and jogs five Every! Tells you to put some whipped cream on top grant the old man Thank... Noticed that people were staring at her old! our local mall and was feeling particularly macho for a.. Here, please and jogs five miles Every day man moved to Hawaii to live,! He confessed to me he 'd drunk more than usual the day before down his...

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